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  “I shouldn’t have let you eat that so fast,” he said. He swung the mobile cart away from me as if to prevent me from gorging myself on the rest of the items.

  “Sorry, it just felt so good to eat again. You know how I love to eat.” I attempted a wink, which was more like a blink since I only had one good eye. He tried to maintain a serious face, but couldn’t do it and we both started to laugh.

  “Knock, knock. Is Lindsey in here?” came a loud whisper from the door. Dad beckoned the visitor to enter and I grinned as Stephanie pulled away the curtain. Her eyes shone with concern behind her round, white-rimmed glasses. My other roommate Jennifer came in close behind her, her cheeks rosy from the cold outside. They carried a bouquet of balloons and a teddy bear that held a plush red heart reading “Get Well Soon.”

  “Oh good, you’re awake! We came by once before but you were sleeping,” Stephanie said.

  “Yeah, I’ve been doing that a lot. I guess I need all the beauty rest I can get.”

  Jen murmured “definitely” but Stephanie frowned, shaking her head as she looked me over critically. “Actually, you look much better than you did before. Your bruises are fading and the swelling has gone down quite a bit on that one eye.”

  “Well, I guess it’s working then, huh?” I answered a barrage of questions about how I felt, what hurt, and what I remembered from the accident. The girls shed their coats and Dad excused himself, leaving them room to sit on the sea foam green couch across from me.

  “I’m going to take a shower in your bathroom, Linds, if you don’t mind.” He left, pulling the room’s privacy curtain closed behind him.

  “Did your dad tell you the college has decided to give you and Ravi all A’s on your finals, since you couldn’t take them?” Jennifer asked.

  “Wow, finals, I had totally forgotten about that. Well, I guess there’s always a silver lining, huh?”

  She laughed and I thought to myself how beautiful she was, but for the first time, I didn’t feel that familiar pang of jealousy. She was beautiful, sure, but somehow it didn’t bother me now like it did before.

  Stephanie broke into my thoughts. “What are you going to do about Christmas? Will you still be in the hospital or will they let you out before then?”

  Oh, that’s right. If finals are over now, then Christmas break would be…

  “What day is it today?” I asked her. “What day was the accident? I don’t even know.”

  “Today is December 20th. The accident was on the 15th.” My eyes widened in disbelief that I had basically lost five days, give or take, in my drug-induced state.

  Jen piped in, “Yeah, actually we’re headed home tomorrow. We were going to leave today but we wanted to try and see you again before we left. We’ll be back for January term, though, so we’ll see you again soon.”

  “Oh crap, I was going to take French history during Jan term. Well, at least this won’t screw up spring semester. I should be better by then.” Jennifer and Stephanie nodded actively, trying to cheer me up, but an awkward lull crept into the conversation. Steph arranged the balloon bouquet, then turned to me as if just remembering something.

  “Oh, I meant to tell you, the orchestra concert went really well. My violin solo was perfect and the whole audience applauded when I was done.” She beamed at me, not bragging but simply sharing in the joy of her accomplishment. I pouted at her and told her how much I’d really been looking forward to hearing her play. “Well, there’s always the concert in the spring. You can come to that one, provided you don’t go getting yourself killed again,” she said.

  Jen gasped and at the same time, Stephanie realized what she’d said. Jen smacked her on the arm and Stephanie winced, her eyes instantly filled with remorse. “I’m sorry, that’s not what I meant. I just meant… never mind, I’m being stupid. I’ll shut up now.” I chuckled, amused that they were so worried about my mental state.

  “It’s no big deal. Still, I really did want to hear you play. I don’t suppose you’d be willing to bring your violin to the hospital and play it for me, would you?”

  “You’d really want me to do that? You’re so sweet!” I could see the wheels start turning in her head as she worked out how to get to her violin and back to the hospital before having to leave tomorrow. “We’d better go then, if I’m going to have enough time to get back here to play for you later tonight.”

  The hugs goodbye were awkward, as they were unsure of where to touch me without hurting me. They left just as Dad came out of the bathroom, drying his hair with a towel. “They seemed nice. Are they your roommates?” he asked, freshly shaven and smelling of soap.

  I nodded and settled back against my pillow, doing my breathing exercises and scrunching my face with the effort. “I think I’m going to take a nap. Can you close the shades?” He did, and I closed my eyes with a smile, grateful to have good friends.

  Chapter 19

  Fragmented images taunted me as I moaned and shifted in my bed: beautiful misty landscapes transformed into flaming, smoking battle scenes, a beggar reaching out to me, his eyes sunk deep in their sockets.

  A warm hand smoothed my creased brow.

  “Hey, sweetie, are you having a bad dream?” My mother’s voice sounded worried and I wriggled against my stiff bed, trying to shake off the disturbing images. She chuckled at my scowl and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “I can’t count the number of times I’ve come to wake you up for school and you’ve worn that same grouchy expression. I don’t know if it’s because you have bad dreams, or if you have really good dreams that you don’t want to wake up from.” With her long blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail, she looked younger than I remembered. I heard a soft chuckle from behind her and craned my neck to see whose it was.

  Nick.

  Dressed in a dark blue suit like he’d just come from a board meeting, he smoothed back his black wavy hair with one hand. My mother shot a glance over her shoulder at him, her eyes smiling in a flirty, playful way. The sight of her in a black evening gown talking with Nick, tossing her hair over her shoulder and stroking her cleavage suddenly filled my mind. I clenched my teeth, irrationally upset.

  “What is he doing here?” I hissed at her, and she whipped around to gawk at me.

  “He came to see you, honey.” Her voice was even but her eyes held a warning, telling me in no uncertain terms that I was to play nice. I glared at her and Nick shifted uncomfortably, looking out the window.

  “Elizabeth, I have a couple of errands to run in town. I think I’ll leave you two alone for a while. I’ll pick you up at eight, all right?” She started to protest but he gave her a look that cut her off. “Goodbye, Lindsey. I am glad to see you are feeling better.” He nodded to me and then left.

  “What the hell was that all about? I can’t believe how rude you were to him just now, Lindsey Marie!” Her eyes demanded an answer and pinned to the bed, I had nowhere to hide.

  “I don’t know. I’m sorry. I just…” I struggled to think of how to put it without making matters worse, that awful image of my mother’s bedroom eyes burning in my brain. “I guess I just didn’t expect to see him here, so I wasn’t prepared for it. Look, I said I’m sorry.”

  She studied me with narrowed eyes and pursed lips, apparently trying to decide whether or not to let me off the hook. She sighed and shook her head. “It’s all right. You’re not really yourself right now. I probably should’ve warned you before just springing him on you like that, so I’m sorry, too.” I was relieved, thinking the issue closed, but she continued on. “Still, you’re going to have to learn to get used to him, since you’re going to have to come stay with us for a while.”

  I jerked upright and winced. “What? No! Why?”

  “Well, you’ll be out of the hospital in another week or so but the doctor told us you’ll need care around the clock until you’re healed. He said it would take about six weeks altogether, so you’ll have to come live with us until spring semester starts.”

  “But I don�
��t want to live with you and Nick in Bellevue. I want to stay here with my friends. That's part of why I decided to go to college in Oregon, to have some space.” I sounded like a whiny child, but I honestly couldn’t bear the thought of being around the two of them, seeing his arm around her, watching him kiss her.

  “Honey, I know you want to stay here with your friends and I wish you could, but there’s no one else to take care of you. Your dad can’t do it because he’s working full-time and you know your friends have better things to do than help you bathe and get dressed.” Tears welled up in my eyes and I racked my brain for some alternative, something, anything to keep from having to go to stay at Nick’s.

  “What if… what if you came here instead?” I pleaded.

  “Well, maybe,” she said. “I’ll have to talk to Nick about it. I still think it would be easier if you…” She stopped mid-sentence as a tear ran down my cheek. “Okay, okay. I’ll see what I can do.” She reached up and swept away the tear, a tender smile on her lips. “He’s not a bad guy, Lindsey. You really should give him a chance, you know.” I was saved from having to respond when Sharon came bustling in with a dinner tray.

  “Who’s hungry?” Her overly cheerful voice wedged itself between us, disregarding the tension of our conversation. She put the tray of food down and looked me over with a bright smile. “So, I see you’re sitting up now. How does that feel, hon?”

  “It’s getting easier, but my ribs still hurt when I breathe.”

  “Mmmhmm, yep, it’s going to be that way for a while, sweetie, I’m sorry to say. Still, if you’re going to be up, we need to get those ribs taped. That will give them some support so they don’t move around too much when you breathe. It helps with the discomfort, too.” She patted me on the leg and glanced at my mom. “You can help hold her up while I tape her ribs, if you’re all right with that.” Sharon deftly pulled a roll of thick white tape from her pocket, told Mom to close the door, then pulled off my hospital gown, leaving me bare-chested on the bed. Mortified, I rushed to cover my breasts with my arms. Pain shot across my ribs.

  “There, there. It’s just us girls. No need to be shy,” the nurse cooed as she gently pulled my arms to my sides. I glanced down at my chest and saw the mottled bruising there for the first time. A thin red scar ran down the side of my right breast where the surgeon had inserted the tube that saved my life.

  Mom made a soft whimpering sound when she saw my bruised torso. She turned away to hide her tears and Sharon gave her a moment, but was business-like, apparently having been through this before.

  “Mom, are you gonna be all right?” Sharon asked. “I can get another nurse to give me a hand if you would prefer.”

  Mom took a deep breath and shook her head, her jaw set. “No, I’m fine,” she said brusquely, moving to my side. “What do you need me to do?” The nurse showed her how to assist while she applied the tape to my damaged ribs.

  “There, sweetie,” Sharon said. “Now I want to see you take a deep breath and tell me how it feels.” I closed my eyes and steeled myself for the now-familiar pain, but surprisingly, the tape actually did help. Sharon smiled and thanked my mother for her help, slipping my hospital gown back up over my shoulders. The experience had erased the tension between us, and we settled into an easy conversation as I picked away at the bland dinner on the tray.

  “Lindsey?” Stephanie peeked her head around the curtain. A skinny guy with glasses followed her into the room, looking uncomfortable and lugging a heavy black instrument case.

  “This is Brandon. He’s in the orchestra with me and I ran into him at dinner tonight. When I told him I was coming here to play for you, he offered to accompany me, which I thought was really sweet.” She smiled at him and he blushed, muttering a shy hello and bending to open his viola case. The small hospital room was filled to bursting with my three visitors and I felt like royalty, having drawn musicians to play at my bedside.

  Stephanie and Brandon set up quickly and to my surprise, didn’t even need sheet music. She placed the violin under her chin, struck a pose and nodded to him as she set the tempo. She closed her eyes and began, her bow gliding over the strings. Her fingers unerringly slid up and down the neck of her violin and her wrist moved back and forth for a smooth vibrato. Their music flowed over me, reminding me of the night at Benaroya Hall when I had heard the Seattle Symphony play. Nurse Sharon stood next to the curtain, enjoying the concert with the rest of us. When they played the final note, we broke into applause.

  “That was incredible, you guys! Wow, thank you so much. You are amazing, Steph!”

  “It wouldn’t have sounded half as good without Brandon. He’s our best viola player.” I thought I caught a glimpse of something pass between them, but it was gone so quickly I couldn’t be quite sure. Stephanie already had a boyfriend, so I was dying to ask her what was up with Brandon, but I didn’t get the chance. Instead, I thanked them profusely for sharing their talents with me before they had to pack up and take off.

  Nick just missed the concert and came around the curtain, looking a little nervous. “Um, Elizabeth, are you ready?” he asked.

  Mom gave me a quick glance, but it was unnecessary. Brightly, I called to Nick and asked him to come in.

  “I’m sorry I was so rude to you earlier. Thank you for coming to see me. That was very kind of you.”

  “It’s okay, I understand. I’m just glad to see that you’re healing. Your mom has been really worried about you.” I could tell he meant it, which made me feel even worse for having been so mean. He turned his dazzling smile to my mother, who seemed to light up in his presence. She gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and stroked my head, promising to be back tomorrow. Alone at last, I turned on the television and settled back against my pillow, humming the orchestra music until I drifted off to sleep.

  Chapter 20

  “Did you know that you sing in your sleep?”

  A strangely familiar voice with a thick Scottish accent came to me in my dream and my heart raced at the sound. I desperately wanted to hold on, but the words slipped away from me. Rolling over in my sleep, my ribs still aching, I was overcome with an inexplicable sense of sadness.

  A dark figure snored in the small chair next to the couch. Ravi had his leg propped up on another chair and his head flopped to one side, his crutches leaning against the wall next to him as he slept.

  Wow, he didn’t have to do that.

  I was so touched that he’d come to stay with me, but I felt bad at the same time, my heart torn between a genuine affection for him and an irrational fear of letting him get too close. Dozing off and on, I was tormented by that beautiful voice that I couldn’t place, and by images of Ravi being pulled from the car, his face covered in blood. Moaning, I tossed and turned in the torrent of emotion.

  A soft hand stroked my forehead.

  “Are the ribs hurting you, sweetheart?” Sharon whispered. She leaned over me and tucked a couple of pillows on one side to give me some support. Her hospital name badge swung in front of my face. “Sharon Whitehead” it read and I thought to myself that she must have really loved the man to take a last name like ‘Whitehead’ when they got married.

  As my mind settled on the word ‘married,’ a popping sound like a champagne bottle being uncorked went off in my head. An excruciating flood of memories came at me like water from a fire hose.

  Aiden—in the water, slipping the golden ring on my finger, his voice full of emotion as he asked me to marry him.

  Aiden—in Paris with his dirk against the rapist’s throat, his eyes filled with steel and venom.

  Aiden—dancing with me in front of the Hall of Mirrors in that ridiculous white powdered wig.

  Aiden—at the castle, dead on the battlefield, his body broken and covered in blood.

  Aiden—making love to me in the sand, his hot, wet skin under my hands.

  Aiden—as a child leaping naked off the dock into the ice-cold loch.

  Aiden—running toward me with arms outstretch
ed as he faded away before my eyes, his face frozen in fear.

  “NO!!”

  I clamped my eyes shut and screamed, arching my back and flopping like a fish out of water as the pain cascaded over me, searing my mind with images of Aiden. Gasping for breath, I jerked uncontrollably, the relentless procession of memories overloading my senses.

  “No, oh God, no,” I repeated between sobs, reaching blindly toward heaven, longing desperately to touch him again. I distantly heard the sounds of shuffling and a number of concerned voices. Strong hands pinned my arms to my side.

  “She must be remembering the accident,” someone said. Ravi stood at the foot of my bed, mouth agape and eyes wide in horror, watching me scream and thrash wildly. I grabbed the bed rails and vomited over the side.

  “You need to leave. Now,” Sharon told Ravi, her voice cold and firm. He nodded, limping out of the room on his crutches. The nurse gripped me tightly to keep me from yanking out my IV as I writhed in agony, tears streaming down my face. “Lindsey! Lindsey! You have to stop moving. You’re going to injure yourself.”

  I want to die. I want to go back.

  “AIDEN!”

  The tormented screech echoed in the small hospital room and Sharon barked at an orderly to bring a sedative. The memory of his beautiful face was crushing my heart and I couldn’t breathe.

  Aiden, where are you? Oh please Aiden, don’t leave me!

  I cried out to him hysterically in my mind, my chest on fire and my soul pierced with unbearable anguish. The image of my wedding ring flashed in my thoughts and I jerked my left hand free of the nurse’s grasp, staring in disbelief at my bare finger where the band should have been.

  “No. No! It can’t be. Oh God, why would you do this? Why?” I choked, the agony consuming me like dry kindling in flames and then suddenly everything went black.

  Chapter 21